Once I saw what she had, the shine went off what I had. Her things always looked better.
We all know the line about the grass being greener on the other side of the fence, right?
And I guess it doesn’t matter which side of the fence you’re standing on because you still want what’s on the other side.
Fortunately, I got wise to myself, but I had a friend who couldn’t settle in one place on a night out because he thought that a different place would be more fun. So, he spent the whole evening dissatisfied and searching.
Social media makes this syndrome worse. It always seems like someone else has more, is doing more, or is more.
You look at other people’s feeds and wonder why your life doesn’t look like that, although it might to the person one fence down.
Is this a problem?
After all, hasn’t there always been a form of this type of thinking? Years ago, it would have been called a keeping up with the Joneses syndrome.
And, of course, the grass isn’t always greener elsewhere.
Greener relationships
It’s easy to look at your relationship through weary eyes. Especially if your friend has a new hot plus one, and they can’t stop raving about them.
They’re going out more; they seem to have more fun. And let’s not talk about the sex.
Except your friend does nothing but talk about the sex.
So you start to compare what you have with what they have.
You don’t remember when you felt that way about your partner. Your partner never suggests going out for a meal or a drink. They have a few glasses of wine at home and then slump in the chair in front of the TV.
Don’t you deserve a greener relationship?
You might look for a new person to have fun with. This might work for a while until that relationship treads a familiar path.
After my marriage ended, I had fun seeing different people but realised that some of my work colleagues lived vicariously through my relationships. And I used to play up the fun side to the romances until I saw what was happening.
Then I made sure to let them know that, yes, I was having fun, but there were lonely times that I didn’t talk about. I didn’t have anyone to snuggle up with if I woke up in the middle of the night.
Or someone that loved me when I had a cold, and my nose ran faster than Usain Bolt.
For me, a happy relationship looked green from my side of the fence.
Greener locations
During the pandemic, people shifted away from the cities and towards the countryside or beaches in the UK.
It made sense.
No one wanted to be stuck in a flat or a cramped inner-city house if they could sell up and buy something bigger in clean air where the children could play and enjoy outdoor space.
After all, it wasn’t as if they could pop out to the local Italian for pasta or drop into the wine bar for a chat, and wasn’t it better to be miles away from anyone?
And it was. For a time.
But when things started to reopen, and people could get together again, many of those who moved away started talking about regretting their decision.
They missed people and friends who lived nearby. Research shows that 1 in 4 people who moved home during the pandemic now regret that decision.
The greener location remained greener in the fields, but the people who moved were green with envy at their friends who had hunkered down and stayed put.
Greener career
You might have a job that you enjoy. It might not be the career of your dreams, but you like the people you work with, and it pays the bills.
But then a friend gets a super duper job and climbs another rung up the career ladder, and suddenly, you want what they have. Research by the Harvard Business Review found that it affects people at all levels in all industries.
Instead of enjoying the work you enjoyed a week ago, you’re jealous and resentful that you’re tied to a dead-end job when your friend is living the high life.
You may not notice the long hours or lengthy commute; all you can see is the Facebook snapshot of their new car or exotic holiday photos.
Is the grass always greener?
You may not remember when you looked at your partner and felt weak with lust. But that isn’t to say that you can’t look at them like that again.
When you first meet someone, you focus on what you like about them. You keep thinking about how wonderful they are, and you feel good. But as time goes on, you forget to think about what you like and start to focus on what you don’t like about them.
And guess how you feel?
But just like grass thrives when you water it, the colour gets deeper and looks lush; so can your relationship if you water it.
When travelling the same negative neural pathway about your partner, think about what attracted you to them. Focus on what you love about them.
Have fresh thoughts about your partner to have a fresh relationship with your partner.
It’s the same where you live. You might decide to live in a different location, but you choose where you live because that’s what you want, not because that’s what a friend or other people want.
But if you enjoy a thriving social life and love the convenience of local shops, bars and restaurants, keep the countryside or the coast for weekends away and get the best of everything.
Water where you live right now
And if you want to change jobs, go ahead. I had many different career paths until I started coaching full-time and writing. There’s nothing wrong with change.
And, like where you live, you can choose where you work.
When you compare your working day with your friends, consider what you might need to give up to have a job like theirs.
Are you prepared to trade time with your family for more money and prestige?
It’s easy to get sucked into greener grass syndrome, but remember, the grass is always greener where you water it.